Well, for our defendants, it's a life sentence at exotic Fort Leavenworth!

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Kaffee: You think I can't subpoena Markinson?
Capt. Ross: You won't find him. Do you know what Markinson did for his first 17 of his 22 years in the Marines? Counterintelligence. Markinson is gone. There is no Markinson. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Kaffee: You and Dawson, you both live in the same dreamworld. It doesn't matter what I believe. It only matters what I can prove! So please, don't tell me what I know, or don't know; I know the LAW.
Galloway: You know nothing about the law. You're a used-car salesman, Daniel. You're an ambulance chaser with a rank. You're nothing. Live with that. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kaffee: Oh, spare me the psychobabble father bullshit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Col. Jessep: You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Galloway: But my feeling is that if this case is handled in the same fast-food, slick-ass ' Persian Bazaar manner with which you seem to handle everything else, something's gonna get missed. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I allowed Dawson and Downey to spend any more time in prison than absolutely necessary, because their attorney had pre-determined the path of least resistance.
Kaffee: Wow... I'm sexually aroused, Commander.

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Kaffee: Anyway, since we seem to be out of witnesses, I thought I'd drink a little.
Galloway: I still think we can win.
Kaffee: Then maybe you should drink a little.

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Galloway: You put him on the stand and you get it from him!
Kaffee: Oh! We get it from him! Yes!
[turns to Sam as if he were Jessup on the stand]
Kaffee: Colonel Jessup, isn't it true that you ordered the Code Red?
Lt. Weinberg: Look, we all...
Kaffee: [interrupts with game-show buzzer sound] eeehhhhh! Sorry, your time's run out! What do we have for the losers, judge? Well, for our defendants, it's a life sentence at exotic Fort Leavenworth! And, for defense counsel Kaffee, that's right, it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching... typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globbo School for Women! Thank you for playing "Should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid!"

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Kaffee: Oh, I forgot. You were sick the day they taught law at law school.

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Kaffee: Lt. Kendrick, may I call you John?
Lt. Kendrick: No, you may not.
Kaffee: Have I done something to offend you?
Lt. Kendrick: No, I like all you Navy boys. Every time we gotta go some place to fight, you fellas always give us a ride.

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Col. Jessep: There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman you have to salute in the morning. Promote 'em all, I say, 'cause this is true: if you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by.

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Col. Jessep: Take caution in your tone, Commander. I'm a fair guy, but this fucking heat is making me absolutely crazy.

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Col. Jessep: I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous